Bikes

(Credit to Captain RON of the ORPHANAGE http://orphanendorphin.com)

The land is VAST, with plenty to explore, so you'll need a steed for trips afar.

To put BRC size into perspective, its footprint would cover the city of San Francisco or Midtown Manhattan!!!

The best bike for the city, meets the following criteria:

Single speed or SEALED internal 3 to 7 speed hub. BELT drives are SUPERIOR to old, rickety, janky, chains…. AVOID road and mountain bikes with multiple gear clusters. The alkali dust of the playa will foul these components unless you’re using a “dry” lube Wide tires - The surface of the PLAYA can range from hard packed pan, to large islands of soft deep sand. Your hipster road bike tires will just sink in and you'll do a header over your handlebars Basket or Pannier compatible - It's HOT in the desert and one of the last things you want to do is ride around with a bulky, sweaty, pack. PADDED seat - to smooth out the ruts in the road that will develop as the week wears on SHOCK absorbing seat posts are awesome if you’ve got the extra bucks

A beach cruiser style bike does a nice job of fulfilling all of these requirements. ABSOLUTELY POSITIVELY, buy (2) extra tubes for your bike!!!

It’s a total buzzkill, having a bike at Burning Man that you can’t ride because the cheap ass tube that it came with blew out. (you can gift the tubes to a bike repair camp if you don’t use them)

RENT a bike
Are you "smarter than the average park bear?"

If this is your 1st burn and you're flying / driving to the event, you can make life a LOT easier by renting a bike!

Every year THOUSANDS of new burners descend on the big box stores to buy a bike for the PLAYA, ride around, get a flat tire because of the cheap ass tubes or go crazy from the clicking noise of a cracked bearing in the crankset…. then the event ends and they wonder what to do with the bike? Many are abandoned on playa or tossed by the roadside near parks or schools in the hopes that they will be "adopted"

Get a fucking clue!

Be smart!

Think sustainability and RENT a bike!

Superior quality bikes are the norm for "rental" fleets PLAYA proven and PLAYA approved Pick up and return in RENO, GERLACH (depending on who you rent from) BOOK NOW because they sell out FAST

There are a number of "burner" friendly rental operations out there but ye Captain only has first hand experience with (2) of them……

PLAYA BIKE REPAIR https://playabikerepair.com/products/burning-man-bike-rental

This BIGASS theme camp gifts bike repairs to the citizens of BRC! We're talking thousands of square feet of bike repair stands, tools and bike mechanics. To fund the camp, they rent bikes "OFF" playa in Reno.

BLACK ROCK BIKES http://www.blackrockbicycles.com/Bike_Rentals_for_The_Burning_Man_Event_s/1513.htm

These guys have been servicing the burner community for years and know what works and what doesn't on the playa. PICK UP and DROPOFF in Reno only. The shop also has a great selection of accessories to trick out your bike for the burn, from flashy LED's to poofy soft seat covers. BORROW ONE? If it's your Mother in Law……. sure fine go for it.

From a neighbor or good friend? Probably not such a good idea. You have to remember that PLAYA dust is alkali based and highly corrosive. Exposed metal parts can start to CORRODE within days of your arrival in BRC.

YELLOW BIKES
On the PLAYA, there is a community bike program called "YELLOW BIKE" which is kinda confusing, because the bikes are actually bright green, with the words "YELLOW BIKE" stenciled on them..... Anyway the bikes are designated for TEMPORARY use. You find them scattered around all throughout the city. If you see one, just hop on and ride to wherever. Once you get off the bike, it's fair game for any other citizen to take and ride.

YELLOW BIKES are for EVERYBODY, ALL of the TIME, when you reach the end of your journey, leave them out in the OPEN. Don't try to hide them in your camp. (I’ve kicked people out of camp for violating this rule) Don't decorate a YELLOW BIKE, in a feeble attempt to disguise it for your personal use all week. Rangers and DPW can spot these deceptions from a block away. NEVER LOCK a YELLOW BIKE, way UN cool..... Burners who do this are in the same class of entitled assholes that park in the "Handicap" spaces, and they aren't handicapped. (The Captain carries around a folding set of bolt cutters to lop off locks to free enslaved YELLOW BIKES) Don't ride YELLOW BIKES naked...... really? Do you think I want to sit on a seat that’s smeared with your dusty butt nuggets?

Yellow Bikes: Everything You Ever Wanted to Know | Burning Man Journal

BUY one new?

You can buy them brand new at WALMART in Reno, starting at about $170.00 BUT be forewarned, they can be real pieces of SHIT. Each WALMART (three in Reno) will have hundreds of bikes lined up and ready to go…. TEST RIDE the bike BEFORE you leave the store!!! WalMart employees are NOT bike mechanics….. Ye Captain has seen bikes with the front fork mounted in reverse Is the crank set properly packed and lubed? (how would you know?)

BUY a used one?

Every year, after the burn, thousands of bikes get donated to the local Kiwanis clubs. They refurbish the bikes and sell them to the next year’s crop of burners.

http://www.kiwanisbikes.org/burning-man.html

There will also be used "bike corrals" in the small towns of Wadsworth, Nixon and Gerlach on your way to BRC. Choose carefully and do a “test” ride before you buy! How do I get the bike to Black Rock City?

It depends on your form of INGRESS. If you’re driving in a personal or rental vehicle you can just:

Buy a cheap trunk mount folding rack Allen Sports Ultra Compact 1-Bicycle Trunk Mounted Bike Rack Carrier, MT1 - Walmart.com Amazon.com : SportRack Back Up 3-Bike Trunk Bike Rack

LIGHT your BIKE
It amazes me every year, the number of DUMB FUCKERS that ride or walk around the playa without LIGHTS. Think about it for a second, imagine driving around a major metropolitan city, and there were NO street lights, headlights, or tail lights?

Get the picture?

Out in the deep playa, or riding the outer rings of the city, it gets pretty DARK.

Your average riding speed is around 5 to 8 mph....... any potholes, soft sand pits, or "darktards" are going to send you ass over endo, with the potential of breaking an arm or fracturing a collarbone.

Get a GOOD quality headlight for your bike. LED headlights are bright and battery efficient. Look for models with at least (80) Lumens of brightness and run on AA batteries. Remember it's not just about seeing what's in front of you, but being SEEN by other cyclists, pedestrians and ART cars!!!

https://www.amazon.com/CAT-EYE-HL-EL135-Headlight-Black/dp/B003WDPBZ6/ref=sr_1_2?crid=30FV365JZNPAU&keywords=AA%2Bbattery%2Bbike%2Blight&qid=1679186715&s=sporting-goods&sprefix=aa%2Bbattery%2Bbike%2Blight%2Csporting%2C131&sr=1-2&th=1

Along those lines you should also have a 180 degree taillight, so folks can see you from the sides as well as from behind. This will be especially important this year due to the influx of ASSHOLES speeding on “electric” bikes

CATEYE, Omni 5 LED Safety Bike Light with Mount

Another great way to light your bike is with "LED" fairy lights.

Battery Powered LED Fairy Lights with Silver Wire - 13ft

They come in various lengths and colors, and run off of AA batteries. You can thread it through your tire spokes or do fancy weaves and wraps around your bike frame. This makes it easy to see you from any angle and has the added benefit of making it easier to find your bike amongst the hundreds of bikes strewn about at art installations and dance camps.

Ye Captain has had a set of these on his BRC POLICE bike for (7) years now and they work GREAT

Brightz WheelBrightz LED Bike Wheel Lights – Pack of 2 Tire Lights – Bright Colorful Bicycle Light Decoration Accessories – Bike Wheel Lights Front and Back for Riding at Night – Fun for Kids & Adults EASY to install and they use AA batteries so no having to fuck around with recharging SPEED LIMIT(s) The official limit is 5 mph CITY WIDE! This applies to ALL vehicles, art cars, bikes, trikes, skateboards, scooters, one wheels, SEGWAYS, motorized coolers, wheelchairs, anything with WHEELS! But just like any other city in the world, compliance varies from person to person.

5 MPH is not just some random number that the BORG came up with. It’s a practical and well reasoned speed limit based on urban planning for similar sized mixed use areas.

Bike to pedestrian collisions are common especially along city streets Entitled stupid FUCKERS on “electric” bikes are the primary reason for the increased CRASH numbers last year SLOW THE FUCK DOWN!!! Enjoy the sights and sounds of the city Out on the OPEN PLAYA, your MPH may vary….. Don’t be surprised if you get pulled over and issued a ticket by the BLM or Washoe Sheriff's department

LOCK YOUR BIKE
LOCK YOUR BIKE, LOCK YOUR BIKE, LOCK YOUR BIKE, LOCK YOUR BIKE, LOCK YOUR BIKE, LOCK YOUR BIKE, LOCK YOUR BIKE, get it? ...........

Every year, thousands of bikes get "stolen" on the PLAYA.

Nothing will fuck up your Burning Man experience quicker than having your bike swiped. (well ok, maybe a head on collision with an Aussie riding on the wrong side of the street)

You don't need a fancy U lock or case hardened chain link lock. A lightweight cable lock will do just fine. That's because most thefts are crimes of opportunity or DRUNKEN stupidity. It's 4:00 am, you’re pissed (gassed) and it's dark out.....all bikes look the same, is the excuse used most often.

Make sure you get a COMBINATION lock, and NOT a key lock...... it would suck really bad if you went to all that trouble of securing your bike, only to misplace your keys! This happens a lot at Burning Man and it’s tough finding a locksmith in BRC. (so while you’re thinking about it, go out and have a set of SPARE car keys made)

Master Lock Cable Lock, Set Your Own Combination Bike Lock, 6 ft. Long, 8122D, Black

When picking a combination, try something EASY to remember, like the last 4 digits of your phone number or the year you were born. (if you’re too drunk to remember these, you probably shouldn’t be riding a bike anyway)

Remember to LOCK your bike EVERY TIME your ass is off the seat! Lots of bikes are stolen around the porta potties! People jump off their ride for just a minute to pee, and when they come out……..poof….. bikes gone. BIKE THIEVES

Woe to thee, that I witness you stealing a bike. The first thing you’ll feel is a couple of pin pricks, then 50,000 volts at 2.1 milliamps / 19 pulses per second, from a TASER X2.

While you’re sprawled on the ground in a quivering paralyzed mass, I'm going to use a wet nap to clean you up, then write the words "THIEF" in SPF 50 sunscreen on your carcass. You should be coming around by now, so I’ll pull the trigger on the TASER a 2nd time, watch you flop around and leave you to bake in the sun for another 20 minutes.

If I’m in a surly mood, I’ll just use a choke hold on you, and while you’re passed out, I’ll stomp on your foot, breaking several bones, rendering you unable to pedal a bike, let alone walk……

TAG YOUR BIKE
The vast majority of campers at Burning Man are kind folks, and would go to great lengths to return lost property back to its rightful owner. The problem is locating said owner! Take time to label your bike with your CAMP NAME and address, using a piece of duct tape and a sharpie. This also works swell for other personal items, like packs, cameras, chairs, and yourself, (no really this works great when the rangers find you passed out somewhere) BIKE REPAIR

Remember Principal #4 Radical Self Reliance? Well this applies to fixing your bike as well. BRC has a few “bike repair” camps, scattered about It’s on you to figure out where they are If you’re a member of a theme camp most will have basic tools Well outfitted camps will have wrenches, spanners, hex keys, chain tools, chain wax, tire pumps and compressors. https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=9QfktIubCxU&feature=youtu.be&fbclid=IwAR3ehl1D3n3nLj8G-M0QqPhxnGhZbdXGZ3pW3G6Woa9Sw6KTtgdCxKRjvM0

The only thing you need to bring is a spare inner tube, specific to your tire size.

NAVIGATION
Travel around the PLAYA can be deceptive at times!

Many folks assume that it’s quicker to ride the ring roads to a particular destination BUT sometimes it is faster to ride across the inner PLAYA!

As a rule of thumb, ALWAYS go toward the man first, then up a ring road. If you can cut off the corner by going through the inner playa, do so. Example: You're at 4 & K, and want to get to 9 & B.  Ride up 4 toward the man until Esplanade, ride direct to 9 and Esplanade, then ride out 9 to B.  If your distance between radii (e.g. numbered streets) is small, it makes little difference whether you take the ring road or cut across the inner playa, but for longer distances it is much more efficient to cut the corner.



AFTER THE BURN
Uuuuummmm…. I flew in for the Burn and bought this bike… what do I do with it now?

Take the bike with you and drop it off at one of the MANY bike recycling centers on your way back to Reno. Some of these bikes are donated to the Kiwanis clubs for refurbishing and sold to next year’s crop of burners. https://www.kiwanisbikes.org/

DO NOT ABANDON THE BIKES ON THE PLAYA, major no no, every year THOUSANDS of bikes are dumped in BRC and it’s a huge pain in the ass for the DPW to deal with.

A few years ago, I’m sorry to say members from our O4 & O5 camps, (Christine & Avi) just left their bikes in a moop pile. We got RED flagged on the MOOP map for that.

Needless to say, both have been added to the BANNED BURNERS fb page that all Theme Camp admissions staff use to screen for undesirable campers.